Hiking up the Landslide Path

We had a meeting with our demolition team this past weekend and we decided to take a look further up the mountain.  The satellite pictures on Google Earth didn’t do it justice.  This is the top of our landslide path.  In the center of the photo, you can see a dirt trench, way at the top.  That’s where it looks like the first boulders let loose.  I’m standing in the path to take this shot.  The slide turned a couple times on its way down.

The picture below is standing in the same spot, but looking down the mountain, toward where the house used to stand.

It is so beautiful up there.  This place has been in our family for 14 years and this is the first time I’ve hiked the mountain in the backyard.  What’s wrong with me?  I always get distracted by the peace and relaxation part of the program.

I think we can call it official now:  the house is gone.  I look at this shot and CAN NOT BELIEVE it’s the place where our house used to sit.  I have a hard time even visualizing the space it used to occupy.  It’s just memories now – pictures and memories.

And this is the site for the new house.  Coming up next, we have geological studies and slope stability studies and soil studies and the list goes on and on…

We all enjoyed walking around the place this time, which afterward, we realized might not have been the smartest thing to do right now, with all the bear sightings in this area.  (on my list to buy:  noise makers, before we do this again.)

I worry about Daddy wandering off and adventuring.  It’s only been two months since he had a stroke.  He’s doing really, really well, though.  Doesn’t stop me from wanting to keep an eye on him.

And then these three…  I just love them so much, I can’t even think straight.  They had a lot of fun, exploring.

Mama traversed the mountain like the most sure footed animal in the Rockies!  She often says we all should have been born here.

I love this shot of Scotty, even though he isn’t smiling. 

And then there’s Connor , I mean Will. (Connor is the main character in one of the Assassin’s Creed games and Will’s idol.)  I think he was daydreaming of the game when I took this broody/assassin –y shot. The mountain terrain looks a lot like some of the maps on the game – added benefit for him.

And, my husband still deserves a swift kick in the pants for this:  as I took this shot, he teased me that it might be the last picture I ever get to take of him, because he was going to die, trying to get the atv down the mountainside…  Good grief… 

It was a cool, wet day -  just another “perfect” in the mountains.

Nurturing

I’ve been participating in an on-line class this week called Summer Soul Camp and it’s been better than therapy!

My One Little Word this year is Nurture and so far I’ve not really been doing an extraordinary amount of it.  I have learned that in order to nurture my family, I must first nurture myself.  I’m sure you’ve heard this before too, as I have, but it only really resonated true with me this year, when I saw firsthand that nurturing didn’t happen (for anyone) when I wasn’t taking care of me.

So I’m making it a priority.  Taking the time for me.

The online class has made me aware that I was stressing out over little stuff.  The fact that my day is full shouldn’t stress me out.  My days are joyously full of exactly what I always wanted them to be full of:  taking care of a home and a family. 

Not every moment is as peaceful and harmonious as I would like.  (teenagers…  two of them…)

I wish there was some way to share real inner peace with our boys.  You know when you take a deep breath and listen to the world around you and you feel like it’s just you and God? (and the goldendoodle who inevitably wants attention at that very moment – but you love her like crazy anyway.)

Or when you hug someone (I get this regularly when I hug my husband) and you can imagine and almost feel an exchange of love and energy between you.  It heals.

I didn’t discover these things until my 40s.  I wish my boys could have them now.

The biggest self-nurturing activity I’m doing currently is reengaging my Lapband.  I found a new doctor and had an adjustment and I’ll be seeing his dietician/nutritionist every few weeks.  I’m very excited about this. 

The new doctor says I haven’t had much success lately because my band was way too tight.  I HAD to drink water with each bite to avoid being in pain.  Drinking anything with meals is a big no-no.  However, drinking with my meals also prevented my esophagus from dilating, which would have made the band less effective.  It’s all fixed now.

So I’m REALLY making an effort to eat better quality food (which is pretty easy right now with everything coming ready in the garden!)  Of course the band dictates smaller portions.

I’ve started back with yoga and the treadmill, although not daily, like the doctor requested, but something that is maintainable:  Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

More self nurturing:

I’m making time for fun projects too:  Christmas knitting in the evenings and I’m learning to use my sewing machine, which is really coming in handy since I bought it A YEAR AGO with 2 projects in mind…  (supplies already purchased and projects mapped out.)  Better late than never.

I’ve been drying basil every other day (my favorite).  It’s growing like crazy right now!  I’m mixing the Sweet Basil and the Purple Basil together, just to be pretty.  They taste very similar.

Looking out my kitchen window yesterday, I thought I saw a tiny little spot of purple on the columbine.  And sure enough – one very late flower.  I took it as a sign and a personal gift.

I only drink water these days (and one cup of coffee in the mornings).  So I’m trying to jazz up my water and use some of the mint that Scotty insisted on growing this year.  I must find recipes to use this amazing herb!

With all this extra time devoted to me, I haven’t found that I’m short on time.  My experience shows me that when I’m making the time for me, I’m happy to find the time for them. 

His Birthday!

My honey is 50 today.  I keep telling him he’s never been sexier because he’s at his peak…  earning potential.  (I don’t think he appreciates that comment very much.)

But you have to consider, in order to make a joke like that, I must be very secure in our relationship.

I’ve never been more in love or more sure of anything!

I love you, Johnstone!  Happy Birthday!

Making School Plans and Other Stuff

It kind of goes against the whole idea of Unschooling to make  plans.  This, I know.  But the boys have already expressed an interest in some things and now it’s my job to provide them with the materials to learn!

Will is still very interested in learning about pirates, so I found this for him: 

(I thought it would be particularly interesting because it’s set in Savannah, which is where Scott and I met.)  And we may still get to go to Savannah this Fall, which would be an excellent opportunity for field trips!

And I just bought this:  (More pirates)

It was recommended when I polled my teacher friends on Facebook last year.

The new Assassin’s Creed is coming out in October and is set during The French Revolution.  I’ve found tons of material on that time period that I think the boys will find interesting.  Lots of movies and YouTube videos like John Green’s Crash Course that I think the boys will really like.  (even a model guillotine to assemble.)

I LOVE and believe in unschooling ideas.  I’ve seen, in my own life, that interest-led learning is really the only kind that works.  So why am  I still struggling, trying to cram Math and Language Arts down their throats?

Our boys have a very good grasp of basic math:  addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, area, volume.  For my own peace of mind, I think I need to help them get a little further:  fractions. 

Then after that, do I let them decide what to do?  (and hopefully, like all of my unschooling friends would tell me, “There’ll come a time when they realize they need that knowledge and they’ll go after it on their own.  And because the boys sought it out, it’ll stick.”)  Just HOW strongly do I believe in the Unschooling ideology?  Am I willing to take the chance?

And what about Language Arts?  One boy struggles with spelling, the other doesn’t get punctuation, they both struggle with sentence structure.  But will forcing them to do it, really be good?  Or will it just be wasted time and an exercise in frustration that will eventually make them hate writing at all?  Will they get it when they need/want it?

My other issue with school right now is the condition of this room:

We agreed that Scott needed his own space/office again and this was the room he wanted.  But it has become clear very quickly that it isn’t working well.  My antique hutch isn’t being done justice in this spot either! 

I need better access to our school stuff, birding stuff, art supplies.  Truth is, Scott needs our things out of there too.  (I hope he leaves the WILL and SCOTTY letters above the closet…)

So we’re going to rearrange furniture this weekend.  I’m putting the hutch back out in the living room.  (It was painful when we put it in the study – it’s such a beautiful, sentimental piece, I didn’t want it stuck somewhere, out of sight.)  Now it’ll be where we live and breathe again! (which also means that this year the Christmas tree will be back in the front bay window, where it belongs!)

And not sure yet about all the school stuff.  I’m thinking about making a nook in the basement with the book shelves and maybe a little table and lamp.  It’s yet to be seen if the boys’ desk and computers get to stay in Daddy’s office…

Bee was in this room the other day, playing on his computer and I asked him, “Does the condition of this room get on your nerves?”  His answer was so funny to me:

“No…  no it doesn’t.  I like it when it looks nice, but I’m a boy.”  ALRIGHTY THEN…  (I need a drink.)

So the plan is for Scott and me to go out to breakfast this morning, go to the Farmer’s Market and go shopping for a new loveseat for the living room and a new desk for his office.  Then home to get to work. 

I have a bunch of cooking to do this weekend too:  Waldorf salad making, squash noodle sautéing, rice pilaf cooking (with fresh eggplant from the garden), early birthday cake baking and grilling hamburgers for dinner tonight with OUR FIRST TOMATO OF THE SEASON!

(so glad we got all the yard/garden work done yesterday!)

Just like the Iroquois taught, there isn’t much weeding when the squash plants get big!  I was worried about the constant weeding the first few weeks, but there isn’t much to do anymore. 

I am a little worried about the lateness of our beans.  Not even one flower yet…  We’ll have to wait and see.  This is an experiment, having never done beans or corn before…

Ever seen corn roots?   (They’re kind of creepy looking…)

10 Things

1.  Sometimes you just have to do it:  Scott and I decided to go to bed rather than fix dinner last night.  We were in bed by 8:00! (of course that means I was up at 4:45 this morning…)  Oh well…  it was still awesome.  Boys didn’t mind at all – they’re old enough now to find something to eat and decide when to go to sleep, once in a while. 

2.  I’m working on a couple sewing projects that are really trying my patience!  I think I need a sewing machine lesson… (found out that our local fabric store offers sewing classes!)

3.  Sandy and Kent just went home after spending a week with us.  We miss them already.

4.  A weird cold front is supposed to come in next week.  High of 65, low of 45.  (which would be an all-time record low.)  Should be fun FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.  (My tomatoes prefer warm!)

5.  My honey will be 50 years old in 2 weeks!  (You’ll always be “The Young One” to me, baby!)

6.  Spoke with my Mom yesterday (for the first time in over a week – which is really weird.)  Got caught up on mountain house rebuilding and Daddy’s health.  Thankfully, Daddy’s recovery is going much more quickly than the house!!!  He’s improving every day and we’re all so thankful!

7.  We’re working on very preliminary details with the house:  land safety surveys and drawings so far.  Demolition removal is very slow due to neighbors filling up our dumpsters illegally and availability of dumpsters…  Our team is doing all they can.  We still hope to get the driveway and foundation done this year.  (might be a wee optimistic at this point…)

8.  Looking forward to starting over with my LapBand in a week and a half!

9.  We DO have to spend some time in a family meeting this weekend and talk about some homeschooling goals and direction.  We’ve had a strange summer and year-round school, so far, has not happened.  I need to touch base with our principal and make the plan more concrete.

10.  Realizing 2014 is slipping away already…  It’ll be Fall before we know it!  I want to make shopping plans with Katherine! 

Weight and Food Issues

“I want to eat it ‘til it makes me sick.”  This is a saying that I heard many times, growing up.  Nope, it wasn’t a joke.  And it stuck. My weight has been a roller coaster ALL MY LIFE.

I was raised by people with food issues.  So I’m second generation!  It messes with me, even after getting a Lap band in 2010.  (picture below is at my heaviest weight, right before having the Lap band.)

I maintained a 100 lb weight loss for 3 years but over the last year, it has started coming back on slowly. (In all honesty, I wasn’t done losing weight, when I stopped.  But when you lose that much weight, you start feeling FANTASTIC and you get complacent.)

I’ve flirted with several different eating plans this year, interspersed with short periods of bingeing on sugary, bad stuff,  just so much that my weight creeps up, not down…

All that being said, I am lucky. I’m happy, I’m loved, I’m blessed.  I don’t obsess about my appearance any more.  (Used to be full blown psychotic about it, now I’m only slightly annoyed.)  I care about health, I care about feeling good and being able to do everything I want to do.  I care about my clothes fitting well.  That’s all.

Recently I bought a Fitbit and I’m really enjoying using it.  AND I walk a lot further than I thought I did, just in my daily, normal activities. (I reach 10,000 steps almost every day, unless it’s a knitting day.)

AND…  damn, I have a band on my stomach.  I had it put there to help me control my weight THE REST OF MY LIFE.  We spent thousands of dollars so that I could let go of this issue.  So why am I not using it? (I was embarrassed for the doctor to see that I had gained a little weight back.)  Isn’t that

the stupidest thing ever?

So, I’m going to focus on the positive: 

I quit Diet Coke 4 years ago.  (I’ve had a handful since then but that was cutting down from exclusive Diet Coke consumption – 6-8 per day.)  And I haven’t had one this year at all.  Soon as I was convinced that Aspartame was evil, I swore it off.  Now I drink a cup of coffee in the morning and water with lemon throughout the day.

I’ve started making fruit smoothies for the boys and me.  None of us are crazy about fresh fruit, but put it in a blender with a little real maple syrup or agave and it’s dessert!  So happy that my picky kid likes them too.

Not to mention, I quit smoking 17 years ago, in July.  I’ve probably had my anniversary already this year.  If I can do that, I should be able to do anything, right?

My Lab Band clinic in Greeley, CO, closed their doors earlier this year.  I’ve been forced to find a new doctor.  I have an appointment on July 21st to have some imaging to check on the band and to possibly get a fill and hopefully a rules reminder.

Wish me luck as I venture into a continued weight loss/health journey.

8 years

Eight years ago today was one of the hardest days of my life.  My first baby, my Jo died.  I still miss her, I still think of her all the time, I still talk to her.

  I WILL see her again. 

Love you, Mom’s Seattle girl!

The House is Gone

Our demolition team tore down a bunch of the structure with their hands and small tools.  It was slow work and I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been!

I’m getting real tired of the resurgence of emotion that has come about with the final demolition of this place.  I see this picture and I remember Christmas a couple years ago.

It was a perfect Christmas in 2012.  We were in the mountains, perfect amount of snow, just hanging out and enjoying each other.  What great memories!

So, I’m not sure how long our guys worked by hand, but it was coming down slowly but surely.

Then, with help from another friend, they got hold of a giant excavator and did this within a couple hours (I hear):

It was heartbreaking.  It was shocking.  It was “Holy Shit!”  A house that survived a 1000 Year Flood and the Rockslide and after all that still stood through the winter with feet of snow on the roof and high winds… and it came down in one afternoon.  It was just unbelievable.

With each big step towards recovery, we feel like we’re finally over it, done with the grief finally.  I think we have one more hurdle:  seeing it all completely gone for the first time.  (and they say that may happen within the next couple of weeks.  They’ve already removed 3 or 4 roll-offs full of debris.) 

What a journey this has been.