Raising Teenagers

                                                                      -me, Christmas 1968

I was raised an only child.  I have a half brother and a half sister, but they lived with their mom and I was the only kid under my roof.  I don’t have experience with normal sibling struggles and what that looks like.  This is all new to me.  Look at that blissfully happy baby girl!  She had no idea how good she had it!

We’ve had a little bit of sibling rivalry show up now and then, with our boys.  It really hasn’t been bad…  until lately.   It breaks my heart how manipulative and mean they can be to each other.  I KNOW they love each other! 

 

Add to that the sudden onset of teenage-itis  in Will and the drama.     OH. MY. GOD. THE. DRAMA.     I reach my wit’s end every single day.

It’s probably worse now because of being grounded.  They’re bored and upset because they can’t do what they want to do.  It’ll probably get better when punishment ends, however…

My gut tells me that Will needs more space.  He needs time to be alone (which I’ve always needed too.)  Scott has started taking one boy out to lunch every few days, I’m taking one-at-a-time to run errands with me.  I don’t think that’s enough.

I think Will would love to have his own bedroom again, but  Scotty believes that he NEEDS to share a room with Will. (he’s talked himself into being afraid to be alone.)

Will has always had a nurturing spirit, especially when it comes to his little brother.  He tends to put up with a lot from him because of this.   Will’s willingness to sacrifice was obvious almost soon as Scotty was born.   It’s amazing, especially in a child so young,  however,  I’m not sure we should continue to let him make those sacrifices. 

If we decide to give them their own bedrooms again, I’m not sure where we’d put Scotty, since his old bedroom is now Scott’s home office/boys’ computer room.  If this is the solution that needs to happen, we’ll have to figure it out.

We have a “nannycam” in the basement.  (We had to resort to it because our teenagers were getting up in the middle of the night to play and wanting to sleep all day.)  Last night, at almost 1:00 am,  the camera captured 15 minutes of heated discussion between the boys.  And, oh my God, it just made me  sad. Scotty was trying to manipulate and Will just wanted to get away. 

We’ve got to figure this out.

 

 

Being Grounded

Being grounded stinks…  especially at 13 years old, when you think you should be in control of your own life.  Our boys have been grounded for two weeks and they have two weeks to go. 

I find myself torn between entertaining them (to show them how much they’re missing when they normally spend all their free time on the Xbox) and actually letting them get bored and watching the creativity that comes from that.

There’s been lots more cooking and baking, which is awesome.

We put up most of the Christmas decorations together:

I’ve heard a lot of “I’m bored” and there’s been a lot of attempted bargaining.  Surprisingly the kid who is most like me (authority resistant) has been the one to go-with-the-flow.  The normally easy-going kid is the one who is really struggling.

I’ve taken the opportunity to introduce them to some classic television.  We’ve watched The X Files, I Love Lucy, Alien.  It was a fun activity to do together.  (They’re allowed to watch t.v. when we’re watching it.  They don’t get to choose what to watch while they’re grounded.)

There has been more playing outdoors, which has been my favorite part of the whole thing.  (Boo’s favorite part too!)

Scott’s been surprising them and taking one boy out to lunch, every few days.  I love this trend too!  (gotta get a picture of Daddy and Bee going out if the weather cooperates again anytime soon…)

Bee’s been enjoying creative writing again!  (he gave up writing when I started correcting his grammar.  I’m very happy to see that he can still enjoy it.)

I don’t know…  now that I see it “on paper”, it doesn’t look like they’ve been completely inactive the last two weeks…

They don’t look completely miserable.  (Making them miserable wasn’t our goal.)

Maybe we’re doing okay…

Weight Loss Update

It’s been about a month since my last weight loss update. I got my act together again and I’m pretty happy with the results, even though I’m not following doctor’s instructions…

This is what 45 pounds gone looks like:

(Don’t you love headless pictures?)

I’m only 20 lbs away from my ultimate goal.  I don’t want to get complacent and lazy and stop because I feel great.   IT’S JUST 20 MORE POUNDS! 

In that top picture, I’m wearing Scotty’s jeans!  I’m wearing my baby’s jeans!  (not something that I want to do regularly, but it was fun to see that I could do it.)

As for the “not following doctor’s instructions” statement, the nutritionist wanted me to stop journaling food and counting calories and start focusing on tuning into my body and true hunger.  She thought I’d still lose weight.  I wasn’t confident.

Her plan sounds more like a maintenance strategy and I wasn’t ready for that yet…  So I didn’t do it.  I continued to do what was working for me. 

Her recommendation of increasing treadmill time was brilliant and I did that!  Instead of 30 minutes a day, I’m doing 20 minutes twice a day.  Even though it’s 10 more minutes, it’s so much easier.  Boredom is a big deterrent for me and 30 minutes was becoming very difficult.  Two 20s is actually easier for me.

So in closing, I thought I’d leave you with photographic evidence of where I started, back in 2009, before the lap band, at my heaviest weight.

I was the same person.  I was a good person, kind and loving.  Sadly, my appearance (and my insecurity about my appearance) kept people from getting to know me. 

My extreme weight gain was caused by a combination of medical problems.  It wasn’t something that happened from simply eating too much.  It was difficult.  It was awful.  I felt defeated.

I DON’T FEEL DEFEATED ANY MORE!